Dave (boredomfiend) wrote,
Dave
boredomfiend

dating

Non-monogamy seems somewhat like a training tool for monogamy.  Why does it make sense to jump right into relationships aiming for level 5, when you dont have any practice at levels 1 and 2?  Serious, committed, monogamous relationships can put an incredible amount of stress and tension into a person's life.  When does this happen?  I can happen anytime, but most of all during a BAD relationship.  Thats right, people have poor fuckin judgement.  When someone starts dating a person based solely on their looks or sex appeal, nothing else seems to matter for a while.  There is the driving goal to have sex with this person, but once that is accomplished, you realize that there is more to this person, and you might be entirely incompatible with some aspect of their personality or lifestyle.  What if the honeymoon phase of the relationship lasts over a month?  Over six months?  Depending on how fast one person or the other is trying to reach "level 5," after six months as exclusive partners you could be living together, wrapped up in each other's lives among your friends and yourselves.  What then, when you realize that this person isnt your soulmate?  Unless you blind yourself to the world, you might meet someone that is a far better match, someone you could actually be happy with.  BUT you've got "so much" invested in your relationship.  You're almost content in your misery, satisfied that you've been able to "make it work" for this long.  So at this point if you even notice your ideal mate in your day-to-day, what would it matter?  You're already IN a relationship, and that means that the entire world of dating is dead to you.  Any person who approaches you has to do so as a platonic friend, or else they are obviously trying to "move in" and mess up your relationship.  I dont see why people are so quick to remove themselves from the dating world.  Someone catches your eye, so you somehow have about a minute, an hour, a day, or a week, however long it takes you to decide whether to see this person again, and take the relationship almost directly to level 3, become a monogamous couple that must be blind to all other possibilities for their lives.  Yeah thats healthy.  That highschool sweet-heart that you were so in love with but moved away... well guess what?  They still exist.  Dating monogamously will force you to disregard the other possibilities for your life.  Its like putting a massive part of your future completely into the hands of fate, or luck.  Its even better (more amusing) when you have people who believe in soulmates, but still date monogamously.

I'm not talking about marriage here... by all means, if you want One, then once you have found One that you hope you could be happy alone with for the rest of your life, then marry them.  Marriages in this country and most countries are strictly monogamous.

Really though, you want to marry your soulmate.  You believe that there is one person among the 6.8 billion on this planet that your soul is 100% perfectly compatible with.  Nearly 7 billion people and you want to find the ONE that is meant for you.  Well good fuckin luck.  On the other hand, we can look at some numbers.  Analyze a bit of probability and chance.  Out of 7 billion, lets hope that your soulmate is somewhere around your age group.  We wouldnt want one of you to live on for 15 or 20 years after your soulmate dies of old age, right?  So lets cut the 7 billion down to 1 billion, and say that what we are left with is your target age group.  Unless you're bisexual, you're only going after one gender, so cut the number in half.  500 million remaining.  If you're hoping that your soulmate is your ethnicity you should narrow it by at least four fifths or more, so we'll say 100 million left.  You're hoping they'll be attractive in your eyes?  Lets call it 25 million left.  You folks need chemistry and romance?  5 million.  

 

So now you're only looking at your type, the people you would be dating while trying to find The One.  Yeah.  Right.  Only five million people, spread across the entire planet, and you need to find ONE and somehow recognize them as your soulmate.  AND hope that they're not already in a committed monogamous relationship, because then you couldnt even date them to get to know them.  Sounds like a blast.  Really.
So when do you start dating?  When do you hope to marry?  Lets say you start dating at 15 years old.  Dating classmates or something, getting a feel for the dating world.  Suppose you have a few relationships through junior high, and then a couple serious ones through highschool, and even throw in a half dozen failed relationships that only lasted a few weeks.  By the time you're 18 and finish highschool, we'll say you've had 10 actual relationships.  None of those were your soulmate, so keep looking.  For every person you date for a year, you might also date 3 for only a week or a month, and spend some time single, so in the years between highschool and turning 21, you date another 5 people.  When did you want to get married?  When you were 25?  What happens if you think you find them, so you spend 4 years dating one person who ... oops ... doesnt think you're the one, and you break up.  Looks like your timeline is a bit screwed.  You're either out of time, or you have 5 years in order to date the other 4,999,985 people to see if they are perfectly compatible with you.

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