Dave (boredomfiend) wrote,

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AIM Conversation

This conversation took place between myself and a friend, who will be referred to as NMG (non monogamous girl). It outlines both my observations about my own state of happiness in relation to relationships, and her way of doing & viewing things.

NMG (1:00:11 AM): And what effect do I have on you?
DMS (1:01:37 AM): you've not only made a concept real, but kinda tickled me with it. you're the first person I know of who's nonmonogamous that I've had the least interest in some degree of relationship with.
NMG (1:01:52 AM): why?
DMS (1:02:06 AM): many reasons.
NMG (1:02:14 AM): tell them to me.
DMS (1:02:19 AM): easy way out would just be to say that the "cards lined up" and never did before.
NMG (1:02:33 AM): Easy way is no fun.
NMG (1:02:34 AM): Tell me.
DMS (1:04:57 AM): myself being single goes in cycles. I have been one of those people thats never really been happy in a monogamous relationship, but I like people enough to make a genuine attempt, and blame the problems on other things. Try and force myself into accepting the situation, because its the norm, because its what my partner wants, because because because... and keep in mind I was raised christian. I've been in a slow drift from those [ingrained] principles since the day I turned 18.
NMG (1:05:14 AM): mhm
DMS (1:07:51 AM): so either way... When I am in a serious relationship, it tends to consume me. At first I try and make it a [partial blending] of lives, but after a while my life seems to get fully wrapped up in it. I spend so much energy dealing with stress caused by my relationship that I cant think about much else going on in my life. Everything else kinda takes a back-burner. When my life gets bad enough, it affects the relationship enough to push it to a breaking point, if it wasnt already there...
NMG (1:08:04 AM): mhm
DMS (1:10:32 AM): then poof, the relationship is over, and everything I had wrapped up in it is gone. I lose friends, I lose contacts, I lose all sorts of shit. I have to start all over. Sucks to realize sometimes that a group of friends would much rather be on good terms with the hot female who's now single, who's made out to be the victim in most cases, than the guy who has neither tits nor the need for a shoulder to cry on.
NMG (1:11:09 AM): mmhm
DMS (1:13:36 AM): I would say I've probably been depressed for most of my life. When I am able to pull out of it, I am at my "most attractive" to the world. My outlook turns around, my life starts moving again, my confidence shoots up, and I become an entirely different person. Seriously like a +3 to charisma rolls. So once I recover enough of my life, release all the stressors and other lingering effects of the relationship, I get back into my own head. Start to build momentum again. Get in my "happy place" then all of a sudden people notice me more. Suddenly I am approachable or something.  
DMS (1:14:15 AM): Before very long, I'm in another monogamous relationship, and the cycle starts over.
DMS (1:14:51 AM): So, a couple years down, either in a mono relationship or recovering from one, and then a few months up before the next.
DMS (1:14:56 AM): lots of fun, really.  either way, it has left little to no opportunity to break the cycle.  This time, however, it seems like the cards might line up.
DMS (1:16:31 AM): If I can keep relationships on the back burner, keep my head in my head rather than spinning wheels trying to sort out another stressful relationship, then I might be able to keep my momentum once it gets going.
NMG (1:18:03 AM): Indeed
NMG (1:18:37 AM): hmm
DMS (1:18:38 AM): You are my shining example of a functional nonmonogamous person, and you're already even a little more than a friend, though not interested in or trying to "tie me down" which I am coming to think is somewhat paralyzing to me.
NMG (1:18:46 AM): no, I'm really not.
DMS (1:18:51 AM): Yeah, I know.
DMS (1:19:00 AM): and it seems perfect.
DMS (1:19:03 AM): in so many ways.
NMG (1:19:09 AM): I like you, I want you to be apart of my life, maybe even love you, but that doesn't mean that you're my possession.
NMG (1:19:22 AM): mm, I'm definitely not perfect dear.
DMS (1:19:28 AM): perfect?
DMS (1:19:32 AM): *looks around*
DMS (1:19:34 AM): huh?
DMS (1:19:37 AM): who?
NMG (1:19:44 AM): my relationships aren't even perfect.
NMG (1:20:02 AM): I won't deny that we have our fights, and struggles and difficulties. And we probably will too.
DMS (1:20:34 AM): no, but you make them work. I cant imagine its easy, but the vibe from you guys, along with the facts of the matter, are hard to shrug off.
NMG (1:20:40 AM): true.
NMG (1:21:01 AM): I think it's worth making it work.
DMS (1:21:19 AM): well of course.
NMG (1:21:23 AM): I think that the people I love deserve to be happy.
DMS (1:21:34 AM): but you're using a very nonconventional tactic to do so, and I applaud you for it.
NMG (1:21:36 AM): And I know that I am not everything people need, and I have no desire to be. 
DMS (1:22:16 AM): and thats why it has even a chance of working.
NMG (1:22:22 AM): aye
Tags: self inspection talk talking non monogam
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